I live in New York City. And I wouldn't want to live anywhere else right now. It is a wonderful place to live, but I am well aware of the trappings. Perhaps it's because I'm such a newbie here, but when these trappings present themselves they hit me like someone has just slapped my face. New York can be a place where conversations center around:
Where do you summer?
What private school are your children attending?
Do you own a home in the Hamptons, too?
And if it's not the actual conversation, it's the air in which someone talks to you. I often feel I am being sized up and judged immediately.
The concrete jungle is an expensive place to live. It can be a place where your bank account defines you. I've seen an air of self-importance here more than anywhere else. It is a place where the outside often matters more to people than the inside. It is a place where parents drop thousands of dollars on their kid's birthday parties just to keep up appearances. A place where one's address tells others who you are. A place where it is important that you are seen bidding at an auction so others know you have expendable cash. While I really want to live in New York right now, I don't ever want to live in that New York.
Rod and I have frequently discussed this side of New York. It is our desire to always be authentic. No matter how long we live here- we want to stay true to ourselves. We want to make sure our children don't get caught up in the outer shell of what many New Yorkers call important. We don't want a certain lifestyle to define who we are or are not. While it's true that we don't make the huge salaries that many do here, we still don't want to find ourselves sucked into the lies of thinking we are not good enough. That is a miserable existence.
I am good enough. That's a powerful phrase. I am good enough when I am honest and true about who I am. I am good enough.
I recently ran across a blog that brought all these things to the forefront of my mind and thought I would share it with you. The author is Brene Brown. Here is an excerpt:
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.
It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.
So many of us have knowingly created / unknowingly allowed / or been handed down a long list of worthiness "prerequisites."
I'll be worthy when I lose 20 pounds.
I'll be worthy if I get pregnant.
I'll be worthy if everyone thinks I'm a good mom.
I'll be worthy if I can make a living selling my art.
I'll be worthy if I can hold my marriage together.
I'll be worthy when I make partner.
I'll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I'm not even trying.
and so on . . .
Here's what is truly at the heart of Wholeheartedness:
Worthy NOW! Not when. Not if. We are worthy of love and belonging NOW. Right this minute. As is.
I hope this speaks to you as well. I know anywhere can be like New York in this regard. I've just never seen it in such magnitude before we moved here. I want to guard myself from feeling like I am not good enough.
I'd love to know your thoughts. Do you struggle with feeling like you are good enough?