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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

enough is enough

Dear shag rug,

Look. We need to talk.

I purchased you for this apartment because you were gorgeous.

I saw you across the showroom and you pulled me in with your thick pile of wool, despite your price tag.

You were sexy. You were the right shade of brown. You were divine.

But the reality is, you've got some big issues. And I feel betrayed.

You are so thick, you cause my wimpy vacuum to choke. I've had this vacuum for a while and since he's been here longer than you, he has seniority. So don't even tell me to replace him. And now I'm learning that one should not even vacuum a shag wool rug (apparently because of the above reason). Why didn't you tell me this when I met you? The internet now tells me the recommended suggestion for cleaning is a good shake. Not sure how to do that since you weigh about 200 pounds and are 9ft by 12 ft.

You are not good for my blood pressure. The kids walk over you when they clear the dining table. I clutch my chest every time someone carries a half-eaten bowl of noodles to the kitchen. I know it they drop it, I will never find those noodles. You would devour them. And we know my vacuum won't be of any assistance.

But the biggest problem I have with you is that you shed like you are some sort of wild animal. I am finding your fur in all corners of the apartment. This is not endearing. They look like fur balls a cat coughed up, except these fur balls are the size of my head. Sometimes they frighten the children.

I'm giving you a stern warning. I'll let you slide on the vacuum issue, but if you don't stop this shedding, you will end up on the street corner with all the other things NY apartment dwellers toss out.

And whoever scavengers you off the street might not be as nice as this family is.

Think about it.

Willing to give you a second chance,



nickernoodle said...

Michelle......that just made my day!!!! I love how you put a funny spin on things that annoy you. might loose a small child in that rug too! Good luck with the battle!

PussDaddy said...

I didn't even know they made shag carpet anymore, lol.


Mommy Zabs said...

AH, I feel you on this. i have made the shag mistake before. So sorry, they are HIGH maintenance for sure. ANd under the kitchen table- ouch. That is for people who eat out only and their kitchen table is just staging :) Gee- aren't I encouraging. Sorry :)
Anyway, I have checked in your new blog a couple of times. So happy for you in your big adventure to NYC. Look forward to continue reading it!!

Sohailah said...

poor shag rug - just like a man, that shag rug - looks good on the outside, at first appearances... no 'm not a bitter single woman...

A Gift Wrapped Life said...

Oh......hope it wasn't expensive. I used to "rake" our shag rug but that was in the 70's. they actually sold them for that purpose.
It did drive me a bit crazy. Bet it looks beautiful though.

Michelle said...

I need to find me one of those rakes!!
Also, our living/eating area in our tiny apartment is the same room. The rug is not under the kitchen table. Thank goodness! But it is on the far end of the room, causing us to cross it to get from the kitchen to the table. This is what happens when you have to convert your ACTUAL dining room into a bedroom. Ahhh...NYC.

Shana said...

I had to break up with my new shag rug about three months into the relationship. The shag tumbleweed was unbearable. I feel your pain.

Heidi Jo said...

oh but they look sooooo inviting!

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh when I read about the shag rug. So 60s. I didn't know they made them any more because they are high maintenance. A regular garden rake will work fine, or they did with the 60s rugs. Someone decided to make more money and designed a fancier one to sell for rug use and charge more than you would pay at the hardware store.

Catherine said...

I love this post! I had the prettiest shag carpet many years ago that was just almost the color of spring green grass with just a touch of blue to tone it down. It was just perfect for my bedroom. But, oh the fights it had with my vacum cleaner! I can't say I shed too many tears when i gave it away.

I had a rake like thing that I used for mine that worked pretty well because it also got some stuff that would static cling to the rug tendrils.

I hope no one wears contact lenses in your home!

Anonymous said...

i was just at Target looking for a runner to put in the entry of the SF apartment and saw all these shag rugs! Blew me back a few decades! Didn't buy one, though. I remember.

I did buy a longer rug, not a runner, because it was a color combination I liked and it was on sale. We'll see if it works. Not heading to SF for another two weeks.

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