my son sacrificed his eyeball to afford me some mother-son time

My 15 year old, Bo has something wrong with his eye. I figured this out when he put his contact in his right eye, proceeded to clutch his eye socket, drop to his knees, and hurl words through the air that we have told him not to say. I know. I'm pretty intuitive. It's probably my strongest motherly trait.

Anyway, I thought he might need to see an opthamologist. Here's the problem. We don't have an opthamologist in the city yet.

So I looked up our insurance on line and found a doctor (tired of spelling opthamologist) close to our side of town. I called, explained the situation and they told me they had an opening. IN SEPTEMBER. I'm pretty sure his eyeball could fall out by then. Plus grandparents are visiting soon and they're not really fans of the whole "hurling words through the air that we have told him not to say". They're from Oklahoma.

We needed more of an immediate plan.

So I did some research and noticed there was a walk-in eye clinic downtown. Bo and I headed down there after lunch. Fast forward 4 1/2 hours of our lives that we will never get back and we were STILL THERE. Turns out "walk-in eye clinic" is code for "we'll take anyone who doesn't have insurance, doesn't have a regular doctor, or is just lonely and wants some one-on-one time."

Picture the worst DMV experience you've ever had and multiply that by a gazillion. I won't bore you with all the details, but I will add a fun fact. It was my second day of my new No sugar, No carb diet. To assume that I wanted to start climbing the walls using only my fingernails would be accurate assumption.

And Bo, well at one point Bo said, "Don't they know I am a 15 year old teenage boy, testosterone raging through my body, and I might go postal any minute?" Yes, they know that, but they really don't care. This is New York. It takes a lot more than that to scare people.

We were trapped in a waiting room with about 150 other people called Area A. If we left, we could lose our place in line. But because Bo is growing boy, he needs to eat every 15 seconds. He tried posting to his facebook status that food was needed. Unfortunately none of his friends were able to come to his rescue. Either that or they knew that Area A was the pit of hell and should be avoided at all costs.

We finally saw the doctor right before our bodies started to decompose from waiting for so long. Actually we saw 2 doctors who gave us 2 different diagnosis. A whole other story. But we picked the diagnosis we liked the best. Bo has a scratch on his eye and was in need of some antibiotic drops.

Even though it was a long afternoon. It was not a total loss to me:

Cost of transportation to and from eye clinic: $20
Cost of antibiotic drops: $100
Finally being able to spend 1 on 1 time with my 15 year old even if it was Area A: priceless

i invaded Bono's personal space

Rod and I attended the premiere of The Lazarus Effect earlier this week at The Museum of Modern Art.

It's an HBO documentary about the the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Africa. Did you know 40 cents/day can provide medication for those suffering with HIV? This medication can radically change their life. This is a great cause and I encourage you to check them out and get involved. I'm not going to say anything more about the cause because I know you are going to check out the above link. Right? Please check out the above link. Did I mention you need to check out the above link? Thank you.

I realize I didn't post a picture of the dress I wore to the event on yesterday's post. I'm going to show you a little pic of the fabulous shoes I wore instead.

Hello, lover.

A pair of Prada shoes can even make parquet flooring look good. And yes, I need a pedicure. And yes, those shoes were bought at an outlet.

Anyway, the event was fantastic. A great date night for Rod and me.

During cocktail hour, some celebrities began to arrive. I didn't bring my good camera, so my pictures aren't the highest quality, but I thought you'd still like to see who was there.

Gabby Sidibe from Precious.

Iman

Iman is such a beautiful woman. Flawless.

Here's a picture of her shoes. I don't know what came over me, but I felt it was important for me to show you her shoes.

And look! There is Hayden Christensen.

Are you wondering how I'm getting so close to these people? I walked right up to the media section and breathed down the necks of stood behind these people.

Living in New York has given me courage. And less personal boundaries. And an extra 5-10 pounds, but I don't want to talk about the pounds right now.

All of a sudden there was some commotion. I looked up and saw Bono.

Well, hello Bono. You're looking very nice this evening. It's OK for me to say that. I think my husband has as big a crush on him as I do.

I couldn't take just one picture of Bono. I had to take about 20 or 137.

And I'm sure you're wondering what kind of shoes Bono wears to such an event.

You're welcome.

All celebrity-stalking aside, it was a great evening. The movie is quite sobering, but gives you hope and a desire to become involved in this fight against HIV/AIDS. We all need to be involved.

Please watch the movie when it comes to HBO on May 24th later this month.

the cats might push me over the edge

Unless you are mega-rich in New York, you have a small apartment. That means most of the people here are living in small spaces compared with the rest of the United States. It's not uncommon for an entire family to share a 1 bedroom. So I will never whine about our apartment being too small. Because I know it's bigger than a lot of them. But I have wondered what would be too small for our family.

What about you? What would be too small? Could you live in a really small space? Ok, maybe not with kids, but what if it was just you and your spouse or you and a roommate? How small could you go before you were close to going postal?

Here's a couple in NYC who recently purchased a 175 square foot studio apartment. This is their home. With 2 cats. So they not only felt they had room for each another, but they also felt they had room for cats? Two cats? Their apartment is about the size of a subway car. Let me give you a visual:



They don't cook. So their only appliance is an espresso maker. Side note: I used to wonder why a lot of New Yorkers don't cook. Now I don't wonder. This is the food capital of the world and I have the ever-growing waist line to prove it.

Because they are short on closet space, they use their kitchen cupboards to store a lot of their clothes. They leave their apartment every morning in their work-out clothes and have their work-clothes stashed at various dry cleaners around the city. Wow. They seem to have it figured out how to make it work!

Plus they bought their apartment for $150K. Pretty unheard of to own a piece of Manhattan real estate for that price.

What about you? Could you live in a space this size?

top of the rock

Rockefeller Center is an amazing sight to behold. But climb your way to the Top of the Rock and it's even more amazing to take in the views of the city. Rod and I took Lily and Jackson the other day and were not disappointed. Make sure you go on a clear day though so you can get a good dose of vertigo. At 70 stories up, it's much more fun that way.

Here we go!





Most people prefer the views from Top of the Rock as opposed to the Empire State building. The reason is that the Rock has glass panels you can see through for an unobstructed view. Lily managed to find the space between the panels. She enjoys freaking me out.



Dear AT& T: I am thoroughly disappointed with your cell service in NYC. But am finding it hard to forgive you for not even being able to provide one lone signal at the Top of the Rock. Once the Iphone is available with other carriers, there will be a mass exodus from Manhattanites. Consider yourself forewarned...But if there is a way you could get me a discount on the IPad I would find it in my heart to forgive you.



We spent quite a bit of time up there. I believe in getting my money's worth.







We even saw a couple exchanging their wedding vows. I had to wrangle Lily from being their impromptu flower girl. It was a romantic setting for a wedding. And quite a bit cheaper than being married at The Plaza.



Statue of Liberty off in the distance:



Central Park:



The Empire State Building:



Look! I see our apartment!



If you are in NYC, make sure you go to the Top of the Rock. It's definitely worth it.

dirty laundry equals cash

Our family of 6 produces an ungodly amount of dirty laundry each week. It's always been that way - even when we lived in suburbia. A natural law of the universe is: A lot of kids equals a lot of laundry. I bet you haven't seen that law of the universe discussed on Oprah.

But I've noticed a MAJOR difference doing laundry in New York. Now when I see hampers full of dirty clothes, I also see hampers full of dollar bills. And not the kind that will be entering my wallet. These dollars are leaving my wallet.

The harsh truth is that it cost money to do laundry now. As if the pain of washing my delicates was not enough, I now pay money for this honor. And please understand the depth of my pain because I'm not talking about paying someone else to do my laundry. I'm talking about money I spend so I can do the laundry.

I realize I am fortunate to have a laundry room in my building. So, I won't whine too much. A laundry room was actually on my list of "must haves" when we hunted for an apartment. My list included a safe place for my children, laundry in the building, and a place to pee. In private. I don't ask for a lot of frills in life.





I've figured out we spend about $200 each month for the luxury of having clean clothes. That's crazy, isn't it? So several times a week, Lily and I haul our dirty clothes down to the 2nd floor.



I will tell you that all my boys do their own laundry and have for several years. So I don't do their laundry, I just pay for it.

All in all, I knew things would be different when we moved to the city. I knew I'd miss my large capacity washer and dryer. I just didn't know I'd miss this much cash.

there were no dancing circus monkeys at this party

I thought it would be fun to have Lily's 7th birthday party here at home. And by home, I mean our tiny apartment. We'd decorate like crazy, then count the minutes until all her little girlfriends from school arrived. I thought she'd think it was special and I'm all about making a memory. OK, who am I kidding? I just didn't want to spend $1000 on a party for a 7 year old.

Welcome to New York City, the home of the best bagels, pizza, and out of your mind birthday parties for children.

In the city, you can rent out museums for sleepovers, have your own personal chef create a special meal for you and all your pre-pubescent friends, or you can learn the proper form for the downward dog at your very own yoga party. The possibilities are endless and the list goes on and on...and usually ends up costing at least $1000.

Don't get me wrong, if you have those kind of parties for your kids, I have no problem with it. In fact, please invite us. It's just that I can't justify spending that kind of cash. I'm trying to buy groceries here. And Bobbie Brown makeup. And I sure could use some botox.

So after realizing my lack of options, I resigned myself to having the party here at home- something almost unheard of in Manhattan birthday party land. When I told Rod, he thought I might be a bit crazy. But then I ticked off the financial data and he thought I was beautiful. I mean...genius. I don't care. I'll take either.

We actually had a great time. We only invited the girls from her class because there is not quite enough air in my apartment for a party with the entire class. And you know what? It turned out great. I found the key to having a birthday party in a small space is provide lots of activities for the kids to do. If they run out of activities, they will run laps in your apartment. Note to self: Need to plan about 10 more minutes worth of activities next time.

I gave you a sneak peak yesterday, but thought I'd share more pics with you today.

I borrowed this idea from Lola B. I had all the girls decorate Peep birdhouses out of graham crackers. A spring version of a Christmas gingerbread house.

Lily and I assembled the houses before the party, so the guests would just have fun decorating them with jelly beans and royal icing. FYI- It takes exactly 15 seconds to get a sugar headache from eating too much royal icing. I know this first-hand.









We used pink peeps and edible Easter grass. However, I would like to debate the word "edible" that was on the package.



It tasted quite a bit like a combination of hay and styrofoam. It was not delicious like the word edible would allude to.

The cupcakes were my only splurge. They are from Two Little Red Hens Bakery.



I ordered 18. Lily's party was for 6. I'm sure you understand the math here. They are delicious.

And a little girl's party would not be complete without the sparking pink lemonade.



This also makes a fantastic beverage for a big girl's party if you splash a bit of vodka in it. But I'm not telling you how I know that.

All the girls went home with their bird houses and these tiny gift bags full of candy necklaces, bubbles, and sparkly pens.



There you go. A NYC birthday party on a budget.




I don't think she really cared that we didn't have one of those fancy schmancy parties. Do you?

bonjour new york

One of the things I love about New York is that people do all sorts of things on the street. They play music on the street. They dance on the street. They take elephants for walks down the street. They also scream at each other on the street, but I don't enjoy that part so much.

We were having lunch the other day in our neighborhood, and I looked up from my table and saw this.



This adorable man was painting a picture of our restaurant. I'm not sure if he was French or not, but he had the whole frenchy theme going. Even the hand on the hip.




His painting was quite charming and really captured the location.





But, it didn't capture the irrational manager who earlier had refused my request to push two tables together to sit outside. I'm sure he thought that would have spoiled his picture.

Targhetto

As you may know from a previous post, I am deeply saddened by the fact that there is no Target in Manhattan. Many of you suburbanites wept with me. I appreciate your comfort and support. But I also received lots of comments from New Yorkers that basically said,

"Stop crying and get over yourself. Put on your big girl panties and schlep yourself to the Target in the Bronx."

New Yorkers don't really hold back.

So my friend Mitch and I decided to do it. We decided to take the subway to the Bronx and live the Target Challenge.

But before I went I thought I should do a bit of research. I have a Masters Degree in Google Search. I can tell you what that odd smell coming from your sink is, the color blush Kim Kardashian wears, and if your child has bed bug bites or mosquito bites. Email me. I am a wealth of information.

Anyway, I found some reviews on the Target we were going to visit. Turns out it is commonly called Ghetto Target and people liken it to a day at the spa. Here's what one reviewer said:

This place is kind of like a department store version of a bikini wax; its painful during the ordeal, but when you leave and take a couple of Advil's, you realize a few hours later it was worth it.

Descriptive. And maybe not exactly like a day at the spa. But Mitch and I headed out with reckless abandon anyway. Here we are entering the store.



You would have thought they were also giving out free Margaritas by the look on our faces.

Then we hit the aisles. It took me a while to remember how to navigate through aisles of items I really don't need, but I soon got into the groove. It's like riding a bike. And by the end, my cart was full of things I hadn't originally planned on purchasing. (The sign of a successful Target trip.)

I won't lie, it's not like suburban Target. It's a lot more intense. It's crowded, no sales people are really anywhere to be found, which is why I ended up helping an elderly man find appropriate rain boots for his grand-daughter. And there is a lot of yelling. I don't remember the yelling in suburban Target. But the YELLING IS OUT OF CONTROL. People of Ghetto Target, assign your group a spot to congregate if you get separated from each other. It will be much easier for all of us.

Here's a picture of Mitch afterwards that pretty much sums up our exhausting experience.



By the way, Mitch is pushing our things in his granny cart. A granny cart is a necessity if you live in the city and don't have a car. We lugged that granny cart all the way up the subway stairs. And then we found out we went up the wrong side and had to lug it back down. Actually, Mitch had to lug it back down, because I needed to take a picture.



Yes, we got our items, but we paid for it with emotional sanity. And we would do it again in a heartbeat. Sometimes you just need to experience a Target. Even if it is a Ghetto Target.

easter bonnet parade

This was our first Easter in Manhattan. For over 100 years there has been an Easter Bonnet parade on 5th Avenue every Easter Sunday. Growing up a southern girl, I am well aware of the Easter bonnet. And the white patent leather shoes. And the white Easter gloves. So there was no way I was going to miss seeing an Easter bonnet parade. But, imagine my surprise at the parade when I saw this:



Shocking, but it was a FANTASTIC Easter bonnet, right? The entire parade was definitely one of those "only in NYC" moments. The creativity was quite amazing and I feel the following needed some special awards. Enjoy.

Best costume that can cross over to another type of parade award:



This person's picture was featured on Regis & Kelly Monday morning, so they get the Five Minutes of Fame Award:



Best use of doggie accessory award:



The Excessive Flair award. (This category had some tough competition if you haven't noticed already.)



Biggest Yankee fans award:



Best nod to childhood Easter award:



The recycling award. Since she clearly emptied her entire craft closet to create her elaborate costume.



The Tim Burton award:



The I am man enough to wear this hat award:



The good enough to be in French Vogue award:



I saved the best for last. We all know the highest creativity award should be called The Anthropologie award. Seriously, this mother-daughter creation was amazing!







I will never look at an Easter bonnet the same way again.